Thursday, December 11, 2014

Word Gripes

With the weather (another surprising snow event) keeping me from my outdoor obsession, this afternoon I turned to my indoor preoccupation--words:

Adjectives can be tricky

 When Shari showed me this label I had misgivings about dinner tonight.
The "original pork tenderloin?" The original pork tenderloin has got to be hundreds of thousands of years old--I don't care if it has been kept refrigerated, I think it's long past its stale date. Maybe the word Stop n Shop was looking for was "authentic," or better yet, "real."


I like everything about our Subaru except these four letters. Every time I see this logo I want to get a screwdriver and pry it off. I don't know a lot about mathematics, but I do understand the concept of "zero,"  which is say "nothing" and I know you that you can't divvy up nothing. A vehicle either emits zero toxic fumes or else it emits toxic fumes. The crap spewing out of that tailpipe cannot be "partially zero."

Actually right now the car is a zero emission vehicle because it is parked in the garage. Tomorrow, when Shari drives to Toms River, it will go back to being a vehicle with emissions that amount to a positive number. You don't get to average that number with zero and come out with a section of zero so you can feel better about your carbon footprint.

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